Tuesday, September 27, 2016

to control my mind

Every year I forget that the month leading up to AbraCadaver will be chaos, and every year I forget that said chaos will inevitably lead to stress manifesting itself physically. I woke up at 5 AM with a splitting headache, and I couldn't decide if it was caused by me clenching my jaw as I slept, the shit food I've been eating, not enough water, PMS or just general mental catastrophe.

So tonight I rolled on the floor.

Music for release.

Music for equilibrium.

Monday, September 5, 2016

Sunday, August 28, 2016

When the grass is withered from the summer heat and stretches out in the lonely spaces between homes and business, sometimes the sky turns. Streaky, barely-there clouds roll in and create a peculiar quality of light - harsh, it hurts the eyes while not being precisely bright. Everything looks leaden and somehow ominous.

I remember walking under this ominous sky a lot when I was a teenager in the valley. No matter where you went everything always felt deserted, and the few cars or people you would see seemed inexplicably hostile.

I'd been out for a short visit with my best friend, who still lives in the city we spent our youth in, and this morning I found the world awash once more in that heavy, desolate light.

Now I'm back in the city - MY city - where the trees are green and the clouds above are simply grey and opening up to release fresh rain. The cat is curled up on the couch, burning candles are giving off the soft scent of absinthe and mint, and I can rest comfortably in a sweater. It's safer here.

Still, I think about that quality of light. It is unsettling, and yet anytime I experienced it I find that a part of me is quite pleased.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Occult Link Roundup

The Witches Guide to Getting What You Want. - "Understanding the why behind the want is another key element for witch-kind. How will achieving your desires ultimately make you feel? And exactly why do you want the things you do?"

Louder for my not-very-introspective sisters at the back!

The Care And Feeding of a Pagan Group

Demonic Voices

Ruby Slipper Horoscopes July 3 - 10

Sunday, June 19, 2016


Saturday was another witch meetup. Half the girls couldn't make it, meaning that there was in total only four of us. ("Four would make a circle....") Ultimately this worked out well, as it meant that we had an opportunity to do more than just talk.

After the talking and sangria, it quickly became apparent that the issues facing people were not exterior problems but rather internal. I decided that we should do a reading to help clarify, and so I pulled out the Vertigo deck and shuffled it up. Each of us picked a card, and then I drew an additional three to see how our individual needs connected and what to do about it. I had everyone interpret their own cards. The reading confirmed that the issues facing each of us were emotional and mental, and not something quite as cut and dry as "I need more money."

The intersect cards were The Devil, the Four of Swords, and the Three of Swords. Once again I asked the girls to give me their thoughts on the cards, which they did. They were all very insightful, and I admit it was fascinating to hear what other people felt and saw in cards that I myself am so familiar with.

The key to crafting magic in this case was The Devil. The Vertigo's Devil is Lucifer from the Sandman comics - the fallen angel who handed over the key to hell and escaped his prison. In the card, Lucifer's wrist is shackled. That to me was the crux of the matter - we had these sword cards, and then here's a shackled figure. We were in bondage, perhaps willingly.

So what does that mean? Well. You want to break free, obviously.

We did a five minute sitting meditation, and then an exercise I learned in dance class. This exercise is a variation on one my sister had assigned as 'homework' last month to everyone in the group - the ideal way to do it is to be able to roll across a length of floor with your eyes closed while music plays. The idea is that gravity can't fuck with you when you're already laying down, so your body can move in ways it cannot when you're standing. It can express movement more freely, even if you can't do a full roll - you just need enough room to starfish in.

My apartment isn't big enough to allow four grown women to starfish at the same time, so instead we used the up-and-down variation: you begin in essentially child's pose, and move in between that and standing. My house, my music, so we used Chelsea Wolfe.

So why make anybody do this before sitting down to cast some spells?

It is entirely possible to do magic without emotion - there are plenty of instruction manuals out there that you can use to follow formula, and you will see results. In my personal experience, however, the most successful magicians are those who can navigate their own interior landscapes. How are you supposed to traverse other wolds when you cannot look within? If you don't know who you are, you can get lost more easily, and if you don't deal with your emotions you are at their mercy when they eventually overwhelm your defenses.

We carry emotions in our bodies. This isn't news - plenty of people have stress induced muscle pain, particularly in the neck and shoulders. Lots of people clench their jaws or grind their teeth. Exercise can lift our mood. If you are lucky enough to have a range of movement, allowing your body to express itself can help you bypass the thinking mind. You don't analyse your emotions, you simply feel them. They move through you.

The key to escaping our shackles was the Devil. Traditionally, this is a card associated with indulgence in 'base' desires and impulses. The old goat will not tell you deny your body. He won't tell you to restrain your emotions, either.

The spellwork itself was focused on ridding ourselves of things we
were chained to, and I feel that doing the exercise directly beforehand made the spellcasting portion much, much easier. There was a sense of surrender to whatever needed to happen - the entire evening revolved around freedom from painful coping mechanism and blockages, and attempting to control that freedom would simply smother it instead. Open, we could accept the change that is coming.

What remains to be seen, of course, is how we deal with it when it happens.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

"This is good for you."

So, sometimes I wind up being a sort of low-rent shrink for people. This week it's been for more than one person, most of whom are coming over on the weekend for our monthly witchy meet-up. So I decided to ask Ye Olde Spotify Oracle, "how should I handle these girls on Saturday?"

Jesus effin Christ.